The Art of Communication

As most of you know, I have spent much of my fall beginning a mentoring program for new head sport coaches through the Iowa Girls Coaches Association. It has been an awesome experience organizing this work and being a resource to new coaches as well. As you can imagine, there have been some struggles for the coaches and a number of them have involved communication-be it with players, assistant coaches, or parents. The common themes have been when to have the conversation, what to say/what not to say, who should be a part of the conversation, and how to move on from issues that need to be discussed.

These are really good topics and honestly, questions that come up in classrooms, in business, and in real life. How we communicate with others is so important in how we present ourselves to others, how we are viewed, and how much others listen to us. It’s easy to let our emotion get in the way of open/honest communication which is so needed to build positive relationships no matter what we are doing. I can probably list a hundred or more times where I have either messed up a conversation with the wrong words or waited too long to have a conversation. Sometimes, I have struggled with not wanting to upset someone else with what the conversation may lead to, which leads to the conversation not happening and a situation growing worse than it could have been with up front communication!

I am going to spend the next couple of newsletters sharing some information about how to best handle these challenging conversations that may come up for coaches and I think it applies to all walks of life! The first focus is the words we use when having challenging situations. I wanted to share an article (https://strivess.com/2024/01/15/6-words/) from educational leader and motivational speaker, Pete Hall, who shares the importance of not overspeaking when having challenging conversations and making sure what we say matches what we mean. He talks specifically about 6 words we should avoid as well: but, can’t, don’t, just, should, and they. Pete breaks down each of these words with a definition, an example, and then a better way to speak to someone without using the word.

The article has some great ideas and you all can read the article for the full details but here are some of my takeaways:

• These words all have a negative connotation to them. Conversations that start with a negative are always going to struggle and probably not taken well by the recipient. Turning the negative into a positive in the examples Hall gives is a great way to make sure the conversation is taken the right way.

• As Hall mentions, most conversations involve two equals. When coaching, it may feel like the head coach has all the power and that it should be one-sided with the coach having all the “power”. However, if the recipient feels his/her voice won’t be heard because of a power play involved, the conversation will never have the effect we want it to have.

• This leads to my next point: planning and thinking through a hard conversation we need to have BEFORE we have it. What are the key points I need to make? How can I best say it in the most positive fashion? How will my facial expressions/body language affect what I am going to say? Taking emotion out of it and using logic and common sense is the best type of clear communication we can provide.

• We need to be honest and upfront with our communication. “Stretching” the truth or not being clear on what we are saying can lead to misunderstandings which can lead to even more problems. This is why personal conversations usually are a much more effective way of communicating than emails or texts. If we take away the obstacles that can blur what we are trying to say, we have a better chance of creating more positive relationships through better communication!

There is much more to coaching than just knowing your sport, and I would venture to say that having positive relationships with players, assistant coaches, and families is the most important part of coaching because it connects to building a team culture and a better experience for all involved. We could say the same thing about other jobs as well as our family situations. It starts with how we communicate with those around us and that is an area we can all improve on! Have a great week!

Coach K