Friendship Takes Intention

I was on the road quite a bit this weekend and decided to listen to a podcast by the author of the best seller “Let Them” Mel Robbins titled “Adult Friendship Is Broken: It’s Not Just You & Nobody Tells You This About Adult Friendship,” and it really got me thinking about a topic that seems to come into play for many of us as we get older.

Her guest was Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert who studies connection and relationships. One of the biggest takeaways from Dr. Franco’s time and the research she has done was simple but powerful: adult friendship is hard—and if you’ve struggled with it, you’re not alone.

When I was younger, connection happened naturally. Whether it was friends in school, being part of a sports team and activities, or eventually when I became a teacher and had colleagues to connect with every day-these gave me built-in opportunities to spend time with people. Friendships developed because we were consistently around one another.

But we all know that as we get older, things change. Families grow, careers become more demanding, people move away, and calendars fill up with numerous activities. Before we know it, weeks—or even months—go by without checking in with someone we care about.

I have found that since my recent retirement, keeping in contact with people and connecting is even more difficult. You would think it would be easier, but many of the national connections I had because of all of the people I was around have mostly gone away and without committing time to connecting, it doesn’t happen.

Dr. Franco shared how research shows that our “social health” and how often we connect with others, should be something we take as seriously as our physical health, our mental health. Her data shows that people with poor social health get sick more often, miss more work, and generally have a poorer mental approach to life.

So if having better social health through making more connections with those around us or finding ways to make new friends is so important, why don’t we do it? Dr. Franco went through many excuses we use…too tired, too stressed, have other things to do, etc..and showed that most truly are just that-excuses.

One of the things that stood out to me most was the reminder that building meaningful friendships and relationships in adulthood rarely happen by accident. They take one of my favorite phases…being intentional.

That idea hit home for me because sports teach us something important about connection. Some of the strongest relationships in life are built through teams. The are built through the long bus rides, challenging practices, difficult losses, big wins, and simply working toward something together and creating bonds that can last decades. I still stay in touch with former players, coaches, and colleagues, and often when we reconnect, it feels like no time has passed. But, I am finding I don’t do this enough!

As coaches, teachers, administrators, or leaders in any profession, we spend so much time investing in others that we sometimes neglect our own relationships. We assume people know we care. We assume there will be time later. But one thing Mel and Dr. Franco emphasized is that friendships often don’t disappear—they many times simply wait for someone to take the first step.

Maybe that step is a text, a phone call, a lunch, or an after work drink, or even reaching out to someone you’ve been thinking about but haven’t contacted in far too long.

This week reminded me that relationships—whether in sports, leadership, or life—rarely thrive by accident. They grow through consistency, care, and intentional effort.

So maybe the challenge this week is simple:

Reach out to someone you haven’t connected with in a while.

Reconnect through email, text, a call, or some other means. I’m certain the person you reach out to will greatly appreciate it and maybe consider doing the same to some else, creating a ripple effect of positive connection!

Don’t wait for the “perfect time” for when it is more convenient for you.

Because life moves quickly, and some of the best relationships we have are simply waiting for us to make the first move.

Friendship may and usually does look different as we get older. That doesn’t mean we can’t over come that-it will just take more of an intentional effort.

But it still matters for not just our social health, but every part of our health. The commitment is worth it!

Have a great week!

Coach K