I Miss My Dad

For the last nine years, the first week of October has been a very melancholy time for my family and I. October 8, 2015 was one of the hardest days I have ever experienced as we lost our dad that day to a long battle with heart and cancer issues. He had slowly gone down hill the last month of his life and it was incredibly hard to see him slip away from us. I remember visiting him the Sunday before he passed and we knew then it probably wasn’t going to be long before he would be gone.

The night before he passed, I had a conversation with mom as I was three hours from home, and she said he just wasn’t doing well and she was very concerned. I made a decision to take the next day off of school and leave very early to go see him. I left before 6:00 am and made a quick stop in Sheldon when I had a call from mom asking where I was as she said “he is not going to make the morning.” Fortunately, I made it to George with the rest of my family and he passed away two hours later. I was so thankful to get there in time to say goodbye with the family and be able to support each other together.

Since then, the first week of October is always challenging as so many memories of dad come flying back along with memories of the events of the week he passed. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss him or the love and unending support he gave us. He loved being outside and as I have worked outside or played golf the last week, it has been hard to not think of dad and how much I and our family still miss him….he would have been outside early and stayed out late-except for lunch, dinner, and supper breaks of course! He was a simple man who loved the land!  Despite not following in his footsteps to farm, I have always loved working outside and have a number of his tools that I still use when working on the lawn and garden. They say it gets easier over time when you lose a loved one-that might be somewhat true but it is still difficult.

As I have been working outside and reflecting on the season, my thoughts turned to all the people we have lost the last few years and I know there are so many people out there missing a loved one like we miss dad.  I had a number of conversations this week with people who talked about the pain they still have over the loss of someone close to them.

We all know that at the time someone passes, there is a lot of support for the family and friends of the person who has left us.  What about a year later, two years and longer…do people still need support?  We all know the answer. I know I have not done enough to keep in touch and check in with my family and friends who have lost loved ones.  I know from experience that there are certainly some tough days down the road and some handle it better than others but all are affected.

I have a challenge for you this week:  pick out two people from your recent past who have lost loved ones or may be struggling with a loss of someone or a change in a relationship and check in with them…how are they doing, would they like to meet up for lunch to catch up?  Is there anything they are struggling with?  That simple random act of kindness could mean the world to someone who may feel alone in the world right now.  A call, text, email, or visit could turn someone’s mood around.

Most of you know that mom is in a nursing home and after having some health concerns the last month, is doing better and each time we have talked the last week, we have shared a story about dad and the impact he had on us. Although it is sad we do not have him, he still influenced us in a major way and we were the lucky ones to have him. Sharing keeps his memory alive and helps all of us with our collective grief.

We all have our own stories that we tell but also many stories that remain within us.  I hope you will take a few minutes to show someone that they are not alone and that there is hope for the future by sharing stories and celebrate those we have lost. It is well worth the time! Have a great week!

Coach K