Since I announced my “retirement” and my moving on to another phase of life, I have been asked a number of times what advice I would have for people just starting out in coaching or in any career in life. My answer is focus on relationships-don’t be as concerned about how much money you make, how much notoriety you receive, or attention you can gain on social media. Focus on servant leadership and what you can do for others.

I’m betting everyone reading this would agree on the importance of relationships as we navigate life. As I’ve thought more about this, I wondered if there was any data or research that backed up the importance of relationships in our lives. This week on X (Twitter), I saw a post by Greg Berge (great follow for coaches) that referenced a Harvard Study of Adult Development-the longest study of adult life that has gone on for 75 years and has followed the lives of over 700 men (interestingly, no women!). 60 of the men are still alive in their 90’s!

The study’s key finding is this: good relationships keep us healthier and happier. I found this You Tube Ted Talk from the latest director of the study, Robert Waldinger, that gives a great idea of what they have found. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KkKuTCFvzI

Breaking it down further, here are more specifics from the Ted Talk on how positive relationships do this:

1. Social connections are really good for us and loneliness kills us. Connections increase our brain functioning and physical abilities as well as contribute to a better social/emotional life.

2. It’s the quality of your close relationships that matter-be it your spouse, your best friends, or your colleagues. Living in the midst of conflict was shown to be very detrimental to your health. Often times, men in the study who lived through their 80’s were found in their 50’s to have been very satisfied with their personal relationships and avoided most conflict. Often, older men shared that even when they had physical pain and hardships, the pain was less and attitudes about dealing with it were better when they had better personal relationships.

3. Good relationships don’t just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. Men who had social connections and leaned into their family, friends, and community were shown to have healthier and happier lives.

The evidence is clear from the study and from my own observations, that creating positive relationships in your life are vital to long term health and something we need to remember no matter what age we are. With my impending retirement, something I have been concerned with is losing the connections/relationships I have had with students, players, and colleagues throughout the work that I do. Finding intentional ways to continue those connections or to get rid of the negative relationships looks to be vital.

What can we do to increase our positive relationships? Waldinger mentions maybe spending more time with people and spending less time on our phones. Another idea he shared was reaching out to friends and family who you haven’t communicated with in a long time. Not only would that impact you in a positive way, you will undoubtedly make the day of the other person and improve their connections and who knows what their life situation is at the time-it could have a huge impact!

What ideas do you have to build relationships and connect more with the people in your life? I would love to hear those on here and if this has connected with you, please share the newsletters with others. Have a great week and all the best!

Coach K