Seeing the Whole Story

Happy Labor Day weekend! I hope everyone is enjoying some extra rest and relaxation as we begin September today!

This past week has been an incredibly busy and emotional one full of moments that reminded me of the importance of family, staying connected to those we care about, and not rushing to judgment with people, but instead striving to understand the stories behind the people we encounter.

It began with the passing of my uncle Junior on Monday. Until recently, he had lived an active life and led a life based on faith and giving back to those around him. He lived to be 96, the first of four siblings—my mom at 92, and my two uncles at 99 and 101—to pass away. He often connected with my mom and supported her in many ways when he was able.

On Friday, I spent much of the day with my mom in the nursing home, watching the funeral together, and sharing memories about his life and the impact he had on us. My 2 brothers came over after the funeral to visit so it was great for the 4 of us to be together for a time. My uncle had a a long career in the media with the Sioux City Journal and the Des Moines Register. He even played a role in the early years of RAGBRAI, Iowa’s iconic bike ride. His story is a reminder that each person’s life holds far more depth than what we often see on the surface. We will miss greatly!

That same thought carried into the sports world this week. College football is underway, high school teams are taking the field for game 1, and I had my first experience as a color commentator for the Mason City high school football games. It struck me how easy it is for fans and parents to critique an athlete or coach from the stands or on social media. One missed tackle, one fumble, one play call—and suddenly everyone has an opinion. But as a commentator (and a former coach!) you see the game differently. You recognize the preparation, the nerves, the conditions, and sometimes the hidden injuries or challenges players face. It’s a humbling reminder that athletes, like all of us, are doing their best in circumstances most people will never fully know. I felt that way broadcasting a game live-something I have only done a few times in my career!

I also started coaching 7th grade volleyball this week. I was not planning on coaching this fall but due to a lack of a coach and having a former player as an assistant, I decided to help out and hopefully impact the team. This is the first school experience for these young ladies and they are learning not only how to play a sport but how to be teammates, how to handle adversity, and how to build confidence. Coaching them has reminded me that mistakes aren’t flaws; they’re the building blocks of growth. In sports and in life, you can’t judge a season by one game—or a player by one mistake. Growth comes over time, and it takes patience, persistence, and encouragement from their coaches, families, and teammates.

During my travels from volleyball to the funeral and finally the football game on Friday, I listened to a podcast from Mel Robbins in which she interviewed Judge Frank Caprio last June, He was fighting pancreatic cancer at the time and would succumb just last week. Judge Caprio—known as “the nicest judge in America”, became known not for being soft on crime but for his compassion. He would listen to the circumstances of those who stood before him, often seeing beyond the offense to the person’s real situation. Sometimes that meant mercy, sometimes that meant accountability—but always humanity. The interview talked about needing to follow the law and rules but also knowing the stories of who you are dealing with and his example challenges us all to slow down before judging and to approach others with empathy.

The interview really connected a lot of things together from my week and here are some good reminders for us all

• Everyone has a story. What you see is only a fraction of what’s real. Before you jump on social media and criticize someone (I’m talking to you, sports fans, who jump on your favorite team’s players after one game…), it’s best to know the whole situation and what someone is going through. Is your “criticism” making anything better? It’s best to pause before judging-we have a 24 hour rule with parents before contacting coaches with questions about their daughter and her position on a team and that is a great rule before criticizing anyone publicly.

• Assume best intentions. Most times, people are usually trying harder than we realize. Parents of middle schools who didn’t get their kids registered soon enough for volleyball aren’t bad people-they are going with what they know. Knowledge and caring are two different things.

• Mistakes are part of growth. Athletes, students, and adults all learn by playing the next point,l earning from a mistake, and moving forward. I know I made many mistakes as a commentator and there is no reason to feel bad about it-it’s best to learn and hopefully make next week a better experience.

• Lead with empathy. Like Judge Caprio showed us, listening first opens doors to understanding. Knowledge is power and if we have taken the time to listen to others, gain knowledge of situations, and then come up with opinions, we can make much better judgments.

• Celebrate the positives. A missed shot or a lost game doesn’t define someone—look for what went right.This is true when celebrating a life, coaching a team, describing game action, or any interaction we have with others. The positives are usually there if we take the time to look for them.

  From funerals to football games, from middle school volleyball practices to the legacy of a kind-hearted judge, the lesson is the same: life is richer and relationships are stronger when we choose grace and compassion over judgment without knowledge. Just like in sports, you can’t define a season by one loss or a career by one play. The bigger story takes time to unfold. As this new school year and sports season begin, let’s be fans who see beyond the surface, encourage growth, and remember that everyone we meet is carrying a story worth honoring. Have a great week!

Coach K