The Handshake Line

The NCAA Women’s and Men’s Basketball Tournaments always deliver great moments—excellent competition, strong emotion, and teams giving their best on a big stage.

But sometimes, what stands out isn’t what happens during the game.

It’s what happens after.

I’ve been asked often this week about an incident involving Geno Auriemma and Dawn Staley during the women’s NCAA national semifinals that drew world wide attention. Like many postgame situations, emotions were high. There was a question from Geno about whether a pregame handshake had taken place or not and officiating was also brought up. Both teams had just given everything into the game, and in those moments, it’s easy for frustration or disappointment to show. Coach Auriemma expressed dissatisfaction when shaking hands which elicited a strong response from Coach Staley. It is something I have never seen at that level and it also serves as a reminder of something that has long been a part of sports—the handshake line.

For years, in high school and college, teams have come together after the game, win or lose, to acknowledge one another. It’s a simple act, but a meaningful one. It reflects respect, humility, and an understanding that while only one team wins, both teams compete, sacrifice, and invest in the journey.

In over 30 years of coaching, I can honestly say I never had a disagreement with an opposing coach after a game. There may have been a moment or two where players showed frustration, but those were the exception—not the norm.

Because at its best, sports teach something bigger than the outcome.

They teach respect. They teach how to handle success with humility. They teach how to handle defeat with class. They teach us to recognize the effort and commitment of others—even when it didn’t go our way.

And in today’s world, that seems to matter more than ever. Because outside of sports, it seems there is not enough respect shone to the opposition…we see too much name calling, blaming someone or something else for the loss and no credit given to the other side.

During athletic competitions, there is always someone watching—players, parents, fans, and young athletes learning what it looks like to compete the right way. The way we respond in emotional moments often leaves the strongest impression.

That’s why those small moments—like a handshake, eye contact, or a few words of acknowledgment—carry so much weight.

These should be comments we give to an “opponent” after a competition where we both know what each other has gone through to get here:
“I respect how you competed.”
“I recognize what you put into this.”
“I understand what this moment means—for both of us.”

We all have moments where emotions rise-that’s part of competition. It’s ok to have those emotions but it’s not ok to react poorly to those emotions. Those are also the moments where leadership matters most.

We know that no one is perfect and we may make mistakes along the way and not respond in the right way. It’s to respond in a way that reflects who we are and what we value. If we respond inappropriately, recognize the poor judgement, apologize, and don’t let it happen again. Eventually, Coach Auriemma apologized, Coach Staley accepted, and both stressed for everyone to move on, think of the big picture, and grow the game.

Unfortunately, the talk after their game was about the coaches blow up and not the great game played by South Carolina-which was very disappointing. Because long after the game is over, people may not remember the score of games—but they will always remember how we handled ourselves in victory or defeat.

Hopefully, our leaders can follow this advice and learn from defeats, credit the other team, and be better for the next time. This is a lesson for all of us in our everyday lives as well.

And sometimes, the most important lessons we learn don’t happen during the game.

It’s in the handshake line.

Have a great week!

Coach K